The Arte of Toddlers II: Asch's Revenge
by Diniseni
Summary: Three words:Asch.Wants.Revenge. OOCness and stupidity runs abundant in this er... thrilling sequel to The Arte of Toddlers when Jade and Anise are forced to care for six hyper-active kids! Can they handle it, or is 'Aunt Nephry' going to have to step in?
1. Prologue

So, how many of you were expecting this to happen? Those who've read my profile I...highly doubt that my sister's idea of 'The Arte of the Elderly' will be posted. I don't really see... Well, I just don't think I'll be able to write that. If you think you're up for it, you can.

And because I'm lazy and don't want to waste time, I welcome you to: ASCH'S REVENGE!!!! Yes, as Asch would say: Revenge. Is sweet.... Then again, you can't really taste anything when all you can smell is something that seems to be moldy apples, coming from your own uniform...

I don't own ToA!!!

Read on!!

* * *

Instead of continuing his search for the Jewel of Lorelei like he said he would, Asch wondered the streets of Daath, looking for a certain silver haired, slimy man. A slimy man known as: Dist the Reaper. But he wasn't the Reaper, or Rose anymore. Since he was no longer a God-General. But nobody cares so let's move on.

Dist's house was, the was no other word for it, a mess. Papers, book, and an assortment of things that Asch didn't feel like mentioning were covering the floor. The olive green walls were bare, and a stick like man with messy silver hair sat grumbling on the sofa, flipping through a book about fon machine repairs. A small robot moved slowly to and fro across the table, casting sparks lazily from its joints.

Dist glared as Asch entered. "Asch! What are you doing here?!" he jumped up, jabbing a finger in his direction.

"Jeez, it's been months, you still haven't fixed that thing? Never mind, just come on, Jade wants to see you in Grand Chokmah." Asch said.

"Wh-what?" Dist's mood changed completely. "Jade wants to see...me?" he almost fainted with joy.

"Yes, now come on!" Asch dragged the man by the arm back to the port. He disliked even being near this man, but it would all be worth it when all was said and done. Of course, before dragging Dist to the port, he needed to drag some random seventh fonist from the Order, as the arte that he was going to use needed two seventh fonists...

* * *

Later that night...

Some how, Asch had gotten a private audience with Peony. Some how. That 'somehow' was the result of hours of work. Hours of....Well Asch didn't really actually do anything, he just asked for a private audience with his Majesty. He was told to visit the bedroom, so that's was Asch did. Still dragging a random seventh fonist and a giddy Dist.

He had chosen the perfect time! Luke and his friends would be staying once again in the second floor guest room. Something about an apology from Peony, or something along those lines... But still, the timing was perfect!

"Oh, hello Asch! I've been wanting to talk to you for some time now. Glad to see you finally decided to show up!" Peony said happily as Asch entered. "...What's Saphir doing here?"

"Er-I can't tell you that right now-" Asch was cut off as Dist jumped ahead. This gave Asch the perfect distraction to use said arte with said random fonist.

"Jade said he wanted to meet me here-and so I came-and he dragged me to the port-I didn't even get to freshen up-" Dist's string of complaints was cut off suddenly as a bright, white light filled the room...

* * *

Jade liked to sleep. Especially after flying around the world and back just to retrieve his uniform. He shuddered when he remembered what he was forced to wear on the way there...

Yet it was the middle of the night, everyone else was asleep, except him. He just couldn't help think that there was something amiss... A report from Teodoro said that Yulia's book had been taken-as for some reason, Tear left it in Yulia City... Jade would bet almost anything that Asch was the thief. He said he would get revenge...

But what if this was all some joke? He'd seen it before (used the tactic before), where a man says he will get his revenge, but never does anything. Instead the victim becomes to paranoid to do anything! No, he would not be pulled into to this trap! He was not Dist! He was no fool!

So, after many more tiring minutes, Jade finally fell asleep... Only to be woken again, moments later.

Something small was crawling up his chest, and sticking something small and slimy into his mouth. Jade cracked open an eye, quite annoyed, and prepared to chuck Anise off the bed if necessary. Or Mieu. But it was not Anise sticking something into his mouth. Or Mieu. It was a small, blond, blue eyed child, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Jade twitched. Oh no. Oh HELL NO. This could not be... He sat up, and the child giggled as he tumbled down to the foot of Jade's bed. Jade also took note that said child was naked. He looked around and twitched again. There was not ONE child, but another, snotty nosed child with silver hair, grinning up at his beside the bed.

No, there were not just TWO children, there were six. Saphir, and Peony, showing no signs of putting on any other face other than the ridiculous grins they wore, and Guy, Natalia, Tear, and Luke, who were all sitting up in their beds, watching him.

He was going to kill Asch. How were they supposed to save the world with six kids with them. Wait... Six... He turned around, and saw that Anise still slept peacefully in her bed, no change what so ever. He sighed. He didn't know anything about this arte, how was he supposed to revert them all?!

He gasped quietly when something jumped onto his back, and grabbed a fist-full of his his hair. He quickly grabbed said something off his back, now holding Luke at arms length. "No. Don't pull my hair." he said firmly. Luke only laughed, a high pitched laugh which made Jade cringe slightly.

He heard a soft ruffling noise from across the room, and looked past said child in his hands, dreading the event which was sure to come...

Anise sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Mm, Colonel, what was that noise?" she looked over, and froze when she saw the naked child in Jade's hands, and twitched. "C-Colonel? Why are you holding a naked kid?!" She looked around, and saw not only Luke, but Peony, Saphir, Guy, Natalia, and Tear. " What just happened?!"

Did Jade mention he was going to kill Asch?


	2. Excuses

EVERYBODY BE HAPPY! At the very many –and now bordering on annoying- requests of my older sisters, I have decided that I will get my lazy ass off the couch and write. Let it be known that my recent 'Yu-Gi-Oh' and 'InuYasha' watching sprees have not hindered my ability to write. Or the fact that Sesshomaru is awesome-er than Inuyasha. Or the fact that nobody in my family seems to have the ability to tell us what the heck they're doing and correctly explain their evil plans.

Let it also be known that there's a not-so-new poll in my profile. I really need your opinions guys. So, depending on what story you like the most, you're gonna go to my profile and vote on which one you want updated the most!

So, I'm gonna stop rambling and let you continue with the next installment of THE ARTE OF TODDLERS II: ASCH'S REVENGE! Although it is relatively short...

P.S. I don't own ToA.

Read on!

* * *

He should have known. He should have KNOWN. He should have been PREPARED! Not only were he and Anise chasing six toddlers around the kitchen, he also had to care for Peony's rappigs. Only Lorelei knew what Peony would do to him if ANYTHING happened to his 'precious little Jade'. No… He wouldn't be doing this alone… They wouldn't, he meant. After a quick message to Anise, Jade left the palace very early that morning. Oh ho, if he thought he was getting away with this, Asch was wrong. Wrong on so many levels…

However the Necromancer's plain was soiled not five minutes later. He had thrown away his letter for Anise before she read it, as he was reading another letter. A letter to Peony from Nephry, requesting some aid about monster troubles around the resort city. Damn, in the time it would take him to explain that Peony was… Out of commission, Asch would get away. There was no way in hell Jade was going to leave Anise and Mieu in charge of those toddlers.

Now, before nine in the morning, Jade had written up an excuse saying that said ruler was ill, and that he was temporarily in charge and that he would be sending a unit over immediately. He told the guard to send the unit out and send the letter out at the same time. In fact, he sent them on the Albiore. Hopefully Nephry would accept the excuse with little trouble. What would happen should she sail out here? Destruction, that's what. War. War between six toddlers and the short-tempered governor or Keterberg. Destruction, again.

Then, based off the story that Anise had told him, Jade made a game plan. There was no apple juice (there secretly was, but that was strictly HIS) and there was no ice cream of ANY sort (again, in secret it was HIS). There were… healthy things. Things that shouldn't cause hyper-active-ness. He was an old man, not a marathon runner.

However, the kids had STILL managed to become overly happy and so began the morning chase through the palace. So far, Jade had managed to catch Luke and Peony while Anise kept Natalia and Tear in check. Guy and Saphir however….

Hm… How much trouble could two fontech geeks do? Oh, I don't know, a lot?

"Ack! Natalia! Don't do that! Tokunaga isn't a toy! No! Don't pull his ears!" Anise tried to pry Natalia's tiny fingers from her weapon in the form of a stuffed animal. The game of Tug-o-War was played unfairly; Tear had her arms around Natalia's waist and was pulling with Natalia.

"I wanna play with it!" Natalia cried.

"No, you can't it's mine!" Anise countered. "Colonel!"

"Uh…hmm…?" Jade was distracted, trying unsuccessfully to keep both Luke and Peony in check while searching for Guy and Dist. Blast, why was Peony's kitchen so big?

"Make them give Tokunaga back!"

"Hm…" Jade kicked open a cupboard door, his hands unusable while they held the giddy boys. "Give Tokunaga back…" he said simply. I'm going to need some form of whistle, he thought as he continued his search elsewhere.

"That's not helping!" Anise seemed to have figured out that whilst they were in this mess, she could speak any way she wanted to to the Colonel.

"My my, I guess Guy and Saphir have run away!" Jade straightened up, but kept a firm hold on the children. "Oh, that's too bad, I _was_ planning on breaking out the treats, but, I guess nobody wants them."

This got everyone's attention.

"What? Colonel! You can't be serious!"

"We get treats!"

"I wanna treat!"

"Really?"

"But _I _want one!"

"Waaaaahh! I didn't run away! I wanna treat!"

"I'm sorryyyyy!"

"Ah, there you are…" Jade took his chance and grabbed said fon-tech geeks. "Let's go, Anise, bring the others, will you?"

Anise giggled along with the kids though for different reasons. She thought Jade looked relatively… fatherly and less Necromancer like with these kids in his arms. She wouldn't say that to his face though…

"Are we gonna get treats?" Luke looked at the Colonel with wide, expectant eyes.

"Oh, there's only going to be one way to get treats." Jade said, giving nothing away as he led them down the hall.

"How?"

"I'll tell you this; it depends on what you do. If I don't like it, then you get nothing. However, if I happen to approve, you get a treat."

"So what do we do?"

"Well the game wouldn't be any fun if I _told _you! You have to figure it out!" Jade looked around as Luke pouted. "Does anyone know what happened to Mieu?"

"We're playing a game?" Peony said excitedly. "Can I play?"

"Oh, we're _all _playing this game." Jade replied smugly.

Wow, Anise thought, he got this under control pretty fast, Anise thought… Then again, I don't think it'll last long, she added when she saw Jade's face. She doubted that anyone was getting a treat, and when the kids figured this out…..

* * *

_I apologize, but Emperor Peony is currently out of commission. He is ill and has put me in charge for a few days. Don't worry though, I will send out a unit to reinforce you… _

Nephry frowned as she read her brother's letter… Hm… it was written quickly, the paper looked like it was grabbed at last minute… No detail, definitely not like her brother. That must mean….

She didn't know what it meant, really, but it was something along the lines of 'Peony isn't sick and I'm going to have to send a letter to Jade and _demand _a straight answer…'

* * *

Anise and Mieu were all for it. Jade wasn't. Like he said before, he was an old man, not a marathon runner. And this game involved chasing small children that were twice as fast as him. Instead, he was dubbed as 'home free'.

Who in the name of holy Lorelei created these ridiculous games?

Oh well, the kids thought they would get candy for some strange reason. It's not like he mislead them, they just weren't doing what he wanted. Granted what he wanted was for them to return to normal (namely Saphir), but there was nothing he could do about that as of yet. Damn those elusive Lanakear and Phen seeds…

But, he thought as Natalia raced towards him and pounced at him as if to knock him to the ground, this could built stun resistance...


End file.
